Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
