the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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