The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
