why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
