Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
