I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
how does that bad decision feel?
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