Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
