No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
