he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
