Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
