I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
