It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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