How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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