I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
