Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
