WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
