Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
