what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
