i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
