If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
