4 words: hood of his car
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
