Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
