those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
