So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
