Do you still have your period?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
