My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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