I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
