wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Enjoy the penises
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
