im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
