I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
