one two three fourrrrnication!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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