I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
