Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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