my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
