I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
