Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
