So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
