I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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