Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
