i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
