He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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