i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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