That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This baby is an asshole
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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