I'm going to jail i love you
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
