I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
