i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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