I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
