i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I party with great urgency now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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