My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
