so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
