I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
