You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
