Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
