Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have fence marks all over my body
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
