I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
