Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
