i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
operation harelip BJ is a go
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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