he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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